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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24535345">Palpatine is a WHAT?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avian248/pseuds/Avian248'>Avian248</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anakin will protect Ahsokas innocence, Comedy, Complete crack, Crack, Filling up TROS plot holes in a weird way, Gen, Protective Anakin Skywalker, anakin knows SOMETHING is wrong, did- did i just make space-bill clinton?, excessive use of -space as a descriptor, never mind shes a 14 year old child solder, this is good I promise</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:20:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,649</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24535345</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avian248/pseuds/Avian248</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Anakin thinks for five minutes about how weirdly sinister of a guy Palpatine is. He comes to a conclusion that's not... quite right. Cracky shenanigans ensue.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Obi-Wan Kenobi &amp; Anakin Skywalker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>237</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Palpatine is a WHAT?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is the best thing I've ever written. Born of a conversation with my best friend, this fic is for him!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“How is young Ahsoka coming along?” Palpatine asked. His smile stretched over the tops of his gums, giving him an almost manic look.</p><p>Anakn smiled back, trying to ignore the feeling in his chest. He normally enjoyed their conversations, but lately….</p><p>Palpitine seemed to want to see him constantly, drilling him for details about his life, especially about Ahsoka.</p><p>“She’s progressing well! Soon she’ll be an amazing Jedi Knight.” he said lightly. “How goes the military funding bill?” he asked, changing the subject. </p><p>---</p><p>Maybe it was the way Palpatine's eyes gleamed when he asked about Ahsoka, Anakin considered as he drove his speeder away from the Senate. </p><p>Palpatine always had a kindly twinkle in his eye when Anakin talked to him, but sometimes when Palpatine seemed to think Anakin wasn’t watching, he swore that twinkle gave way to something more... sinister. </p><p>Maybe it was just his natural politician-ness. Politicians were untrustworthy, as Obi-Wan said.</p><p>He WAS married to a politician, but Padme was too good to be tainted by the job.</p><p>Palpatine has been nothing but nice to him… but maybe he was a little too nice... and a little too involved.</p><p>Palpitine constantly wanted to talk to Anakin, to hear about his life problems and to offer advice. Palpitine, the chancellor, for some reason wanted to talk to him, a Jedi Knight, on the regular while he was<em> running a galaxy in war. </em> Why do this? Could he have alternative motives for wanting to be someone Anakin trusted?</p><p>“Could it have something to do with the fact that I’m the Chosen One?” he wondered out loud. </p><p>“Nah.” That would be crazy! </p><p>This was obviously about Ahsoka!</p><p>What would he want with her, though?<br/>Anakin remembered an investigation Padme had told him about not long ago- One night she had come home with news about a colleague. She was disturbed, and had told him about the findings with exhaustion in her eyes. “Sometimes men in power get involved in… horrible things because they know they can get away with it if they’re powerful enough.” </p><p>He gripped the wheel of the ship as he landed the vehicle, his mind racing. </p><p>Palpatine was an old man in power- an old man who constantly asked him about his very underage padawan. </p><p>There was only one possible conclusion.</p><p>He kicked in the door to Obi-wan’s apartment. “I think Palpatine’s a pedophile!” he yelled. </p><p>Obi-wan looked up from his space-paperwork. </p><p>“I need more evidence, but I think he’s after Ahsoka.” Anakin said. “You’ve always seemed a bit nervous about him, I was wondering if you knew anything I didn’t.” </p><p>A brief look of satisfaction crossed Obi-wan’s face, before hardening into a serious face. “I always thought that he was a little TOO interested in you as a nine year old.” he admitted with a sigh.</p><p>Anakin’s face scrunched up in horror “Oh Force! Did he try to groom me?” his mind raced “Did he… succeed?” he asked, suddenly realizing he was friends with the guy for a long time and had married a woman he had met as a child who was at the time significantly older than him. </p><p>Obi-wan dramatically looked to the side.“I kept him away from you as best I could. I never said anything, and he became the chancellor and then the war started. There was never a good time. But…”</p><p>He trailed off.</p><p>“But? Anakin pressed.</p><p>“This is repeat behavior.” Obi-wan said. “We have to get him, for Ahsoka’s sake. She’s innocent and needs to be protected.”</p><p>---</p><p>Ahsoka sneezed. “Commander, are you ok?” asked a trooper next to her, barely audible over the sound of blaster fire. </p><p>“I’m fine!” She called, beheading four droids around her, effortlessly dodging stray shots. “Someone must be talking about me. Now, let's take that tank down!”</p><p>---</p><p>Obi-wan wanted “evidence” because apparently you “can’t just go around killing people because you have a feeling Anakin!” So, Anakin was doing a little bit of reconnaissance in the form of one of their talks.</p><p>As he sat down, he scanned Palpatine’s desk for any information, and saw a holo of a woman. </p><p>“This lady friend of yours looks... awfully young” he said, eying the picture. The woman, if she was indeed a woman, was dressed in pastels and had her eyes wide in the photo. “You’ve never mentioned her before.” </p><p>“Yes she is… important. To me.” he said, uncomfortable. He knew he shouldn’t have left out the photo of the woman he was considering having carry his future child. “Let's hear about your life!”</p><p>“I always talk about me!” Anakin said, trying to stay politie. “Let's hear about you, and this girl more importantly. How old is she?”</p><p>“Not sure…” Palpatine said slowly, sweating. He wasn’t fully paying attention to the conversation in front of him. Had Anakin caught wind of his dark deeds somehow?</p><p>Anakin had Palpatine red handed! No way this wasn’t a sign of a pattern of disturbing behavior. “Who is she to you?” </p><p>“It's not in any scheme to have a granddaughter to manipulate years down the line- uhhhh I mean….” Palpatine said, panicking, “Hows… Ahsoka?” </p><p>Anakin’s ensuing burst of rage was so intense that he completely disregarded the first half of Palpatine’s statement. “She’s good, a powerful asset for the lightside.” he gritted out. “Excuse me, I must leave.” he swept out.</p><p>Palpatine swore under his breath at the outburst of anger. What did Anakin know? He had to assume it was everything.</p><p>---</p><p>Anakin and Obi-Wan sat on two seperate space-park benches whose backs were meeting and faced away from each other. They were both in disguises as normal civilians, with fedoras, trench coats, and sunglasses. Exactly like normal grown men at parks. </p><p>Anakin slid the manila envelope to Obi-Wan discreetly. Inside was a document he had compiled of all of Palpatine’s suspicious behavior patterns.</p><p>Obi-Wan opened it up, and read the top.</p><ol>
<li>
<em> Does evil head turns constantly</em>. </li>
</ol><p>He nodded sagely. “He’s gonna go away for a long time.”</p><p>Anakin nodded. “He won’t ruin any more young, innocent lives.”</p><p>“Master Skywalker!” a youngling screamed as he ran up to him holding a bug “There's too many of them on the playground!!”</p><p>“Thats nice.” Anakin said to the kid as he ran away. “Man, people who hurt kids in any way are monsters.”</p><p>“Definitely” Obi-wan agreed. “I would totally kill someone if they hurt these kids.”</p><p>---</p><p>Unaware of the dramatic irony, Palpatine was space-skyping Dooku. “My apprentice, I fear Skywalker is on to our plans.”</p><p>“Master, I-”</p><p>The door to his office flew off its space-hinges. </p><p>“You’re under arrest, Pedo Scum!” Anakin yelled, marching into the office. “You have a right to remain silent- Hi Dooku- anything you say can and will- Wait.”</p><p>Palpatine froze. He was in his “Darth Sidious” outfit in front of two Jedi! Curses! And he was openly consorting with the leader of the Confederation! Double curses!</p><p>“Dooku! You’re in on this too?” Obi-wan said, heroically pointing his finger. “I had tea with you as a child so many times. I should have known!”</p><p>“What?” Dooku said, unclear how tea as a child could relate to conspiracy between two heads of state.</p><p>Obi-wan suddenly blanched at a realization. “How old was Ventress when you met her?”</p><p>At that moment, Senate guards burst in to check on the commotion. </p><p>“Chancellor! You’re colluding with the enemy?” one of the guards yelled.</p><p>“Noooooooo!” Palpatine said raspily, his plans rapidly falling apart in front of his eyes. </p><p>“No!” Anakin said simultaneously, causing Palpaitne to look at him with confusion. Was Anakin turning to the darkside in the face of his longtime mentor getting attacked?</p><p>“...he wants to desecrate my apprentice!” Anakin yelled.</p><p>“What?” Palpatine said, completely taken off guard. </p><p>Dooku, who was still on call, stared at Palpatine. “I can see you have a lot going on right now. I’ll call back later.” </p><p>“DON'T YOU DARE-” Palpatine started, but it was too late. The holo blinked out.</p><p>“Well, either way, you're under arrest.” The guard said. </p><p>“So it's treason, then?” Palpatine asked, drawing up his power.</p><p>“No, that's literally what you were doing-” the other guard said before promptly getting lightning bolted to the chest, flying into the hallway, directly into the path of Jedi Masters Yoda and Mace Windu. </p><p>They had been on their way to discuss the war effort with Palpatine, but looking into the office at a black-robe clad Palpatine with lightning crackling at his fingers yelling “I’M NOT A PEDOPHILE!” as Kenobi and Skywalker stood with their lightsabers out, clearly that was not going to happen.</p><p>“I’m very confused about what's going on here,” Mace said, walking in, “but obviously you’re a Sith Lord and are under arrest.”  </p><p>“He’s a what?” said Anakin.</p><p>---</p><p>The trial of former Chancellor Sheev Palpatine went down in galactic history as a momentous win for space-transparency in government. Years of lies and corruption was revealed, and multitudes of other formerly trusted politicians were arrested in the subsequent investigation.</p><p>For all the people hurt, it was a moment of vindication. It was a moment when those in power were finally held accountable. </p><p>Palpatine stood in the room where he had once commanded the Republic, staring out at a sea of his former constituents that hailed from all across the galaxy. People who had once cheered adoringly were now looking at him with disgust. The power he had meticulously built up over years had evaporated under the weight of his crimes. And yet, there was only one thing on his mind.</p><p>“Look, I might be a Sith Lord, but I <em> promise </em> I did not have sexual relations with that woman!” He yelled, pointing at newly-minted Jedi Knight Ahsoka Tano. </p><p>“Yeah, because we stopped you and protected her innocence!” Anakin said, high-fiving Obi-wan next to a bemused Ahsoka.</p><p>“No! I wasn’t...” Palpatine sighed. “I knew I should have stopped evilly turning my head so much.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I KNOW I have a longfic in progress but I thought if I threw this one out it would inspire me to work on my other one.<br/>I just REALLY liked the concept of what if anakin has all the pieces but is like, "no guys its clearly all about ahsoka trust me!" Had me and my friend in stitches, I went RIGHT home and started writing at 1am.<br/>(Palps really needs to stop turning his head Like That.)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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